Reflection - Confusion

http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/050718.cf
Acts 16:11-15
John 15:26-16:4

There are twenty-one chapters in John’s Gospel. Of these, four are entirely devoted to Jesus speaking with the Apostles at the last supper. While there is an occasional exchange between Jesus and one or more of these disciples, the chapters are essentially a farewell address by Jesus. Here Jesus warns the disciples of his own passion and death as well as of their persecution which will come. He tells them not to let their hearts be troubled and gives them his own peace. He tells them of their relationship to him in the image of himself as vine and them as branches of the vine. He tells them that he is leaving but will always be with them. He reminds them of his love for them and elevates to a divine level the Old Testament command to love one’s neighbor. From now on they are to love as he, himself, has loved them. The chapters are among the most beautiful in all of Scripture.

Today’s reading mentions two of the subjects which Jesus addresses: First, Jesus tells them that when has sent the Spirit, the Advocate, the Spirit will confirm the truth about Him, who he was and why he came. Second, the evil behind the opposition of the Jews who opposed him will be made evident and these same people will begin to persecute Jesus’ followers.

In reading the few verses of the assigned text I was drawn to review the entirety of that Last Supper discourse. I imaged myself sitting at the table with the Apostles, listening to his words. The puzzled reaction of the disciples suggested a confusion just as deep as my own. As he attempted to explain so much to them in the little time that remained, they peppered him with questions. The disciples still did not grasp the full meaning of his presence or his teaching and John does not hesitate to reveal that they were troubled by his words.

These men had been present at the multiplication of the loaves and fish where Jesus fed five thousand. They had also been present the morning after when those who had witnessed the miracle had followed Jesus and the disciples to a different shore on the Sea of Galilee. They were present when the ensuing discussion led Jesus to tell those who questioned him: “Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. (John 6:53) They were also present in the moments after when “Many of his disciples drew back and no longer walked with him.” (John6:66)

They did not understand then any more than those who left; yet they continued with him on his journey to Jerusalem and now found themselves seated at table where he does indeed give them his flesh to eat and his blood to drink. Still, they did not understand. They did not understand the food he offered nor so many of the matters he had been trying to address.

"Lord, where are you going?" (John 13:36)

"Lord, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the

way?" (John 14:5)

"Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied." (John 14:8)

"Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the

world?" (John 14:22)

"What is this that he says to us, 'A little while, and you will not see

me, and again a little while, and you will see me'?" (John 16:17)

What are you talking about? Did I miss something?

As I sat there at table, continuing to listen to his words, he began to talk about the Advocate and about his disciples being expelled from the synagogues. As he did so the unspoken questions of the disciples echoed in my mind. ‘Who is this Advocate?’ ‘Why would we get expelled from the synagogues?’

Throughout Jesus’ ministry those who would later be called Apostles walked with him in mystery. Try as they would, the depth and intensity of God’s Love eluded them. Under the circumstances, it was impossible for me not to ask why they would stay when so many others left. The provocation of his words, the challenge of stories which defied understanding, the references to things unknown and things still to come — all these were still there, even to the end. But they remained, and it was impossible not to ask ‘why’?

Those who chased after Jesus following the miracle of the loaves and fish would ask him what they should do to be doing the work of God.

Jesus answered them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent." (John 6:29)

Following the teaching on eating his flesh and drinking his blood, Jesus turns to the disciples and asks if they too are going to leave. Their common response is verbalized by Simon Peter who answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? We have believed, and we have come to know you." (John 6:68-69)

So, here they are at the Last Supper. Still confused, still not understanding, still surrounded by the mystery that is Jesus, and still refusing to leave. They stay — not because of teachings, or moral instruction, or doctrine — they have stayed because they know Jesus.

Living with mystery does not preclude the grasp of meaning. After all, it’s not answers to questions but a sense of meaning that gives purpose and fulfillment to our lives. It is in knowing Jesus, believing in the one the Father has sent, that we can embrace the fullness of God’s love. What more is there to know when we have found the meaning of everything?