Memorialized forever in Acts 1:9-11, our documentary on Frank and Ralph begins with their botched pronouncement as two hand-picked heralds of Jesus’ Ascension and promised return. Botched is probably too kind. “Cringe-worthy,” said Malachi, the Prophet, among those who witnessed from Heaven. “OMG!” said Thomas the Apostle, present that day with the rest of the newly appointed creation royalty. “I got there a little late but saw a very non-angelic fiasco. Wow.”

Rather than putting a finishing touch on a glorious display of Jesus, arms outstretched and floating into the divine entryway, our quirky angel friends abruptly shattered a unique, highly orchestrated, prayerful gathering of Heaven and Earth. Practically every one of historical fame positioned themselves to watch the Son of God and Son of Man reconnect creation with the divine realm. Solomon wasn’t there. He was putting the final touches on a song he’d prepared for Jesus.

Nobody talked about any of those fabulous history-making tidbits. “Nooooo!” moaned Aaron. He’d waited thousands of years for the Messiah’s heavenly entrance. After he saw Jesus turn and watch Frank and Ralph, so did everyone else. Using his ancient friends to speak was Christ’s idea. The conjoined angels’ final act backfired on the Son of God. Aaron thought he saw a smirk on Jesus’ face, but that couldn’t be true. 

Many other Frank and Ralph events, which you will soon hear about, come close. This, their last moment as Jesus’ Guardian Angels, is the worst of the worst. More embarrassing than even the chaos recorded in Genesis 19:11 when crazed men of Sodom attempted to rape them. 

Upstaging their mistake of being exceedingly handsome during the destruction of a woefully perverted city takes some doing. 

Thirty-odd years after continual and faithful protection of Christ, the Redeemer, Frank, and Ralph are recorded for posterity as two dunderhead angels. Only one after-Christ testament spoke of it and did so with matter-of-fact scarcity and without editorial comment. The author of Acts lacked the words to describe kindly the wish-we-could-forget scene of the two angels berating Jesus’ disciples. It’s a baffling display. Luke shrugged as he recorded it in Acts. (The bracketed inserts are mine. Luke wanted no part of describing the angels’ odd behavior.) 

While they [the forlorn disciples] were looking intently at the sky as he was going [Jesus ascending gloriously into Heaven], suddenly, two men dressed in white garments stood beside them [hollering and interrupting all of Heaven]. They said [overly loud and with mocking tone], “Men of Galilee, why are you standing there looking at the sky? This Jesus who has been taken up from you into heaven will return in the same way as you have seen him going into heaven [a phrase that is vague and lopsided in every translation]” (Acts 1:9-11).

Read the rest of Chapter 2, here.

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Copyright, John Francis Pearring, Jr. – 2017-23