How God courts us

By John Pearring

http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/052320.cfm
Acts 18:23-28
John 16:23-28

In the beginning of love relationships we hesitate over outwardly expressing our love. We know that physical love must be mutual. 

Anything can start the kindling of a relationship. We usually begin with flirting, which is light-hearted and amusing. Flirtation offers the opportunity to acknowledge attention from each other. We allow each to be near the other.

Not all relationships begin with attraction. We can be accidentally forced into close contact with each other, uncomfortable with what’s happening. Sitting in a bus with someone, standing in line, or arguing over some infraction. That may be how we meet our eventual beloved.

We should never physically leap to our intended and then fawn all over them, though, especially not hugging and kissing, until we’ve slowly built a reciprocal expectation. It’s not only a traumatic thing to rush into another’s arms if they’re not aware or accepting of our love. It’s even worse if we creep into another’s space. Alarm bells go off by a person who experiences unwanted intimacy, and everyone nearby who sees such an encounter will come to help. It’s cultural and emotional insanity to go where we are not wanted.

A presumption of affection requires formality. Our affection for one another must begin with a parlay of words, an agreement of familiarity, and a practice of being around each other. 

This is true for all relationships, actually — friendships and relatives expect a cautious and unalarming build up to expressing our love, as well as potential fiancées. 

The same is even true for children in relationships, though the speed of friendship between children can be mere minutes. Their levels of trust have fewer filters than adults. Adolescents bounce all over the place in friendships and love. Most of the trust mechanisms between people are hopefully balanced out during adolescence. Learning not to trust people as a child is a tricky business. The fine line between trust and fear hinges on successful parental nurturing. If not successful, most of us never properly trust anyone. 

A proper trust relationship is also true for God's courting of us.

Our relationship to God is mirrored in all relationship-building experiences. We will encounter everything that tells us about God, I believe, from our childhood, adolescence, and adult love relationships. 

“Amen, amen, I say to you,
whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you.
Until now you have not asked anything in my name;
ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.”

In these words Jesus formalizes his long prepared love relationship with the disciples. He offers words of commitment. Jesus had spent three years in an engagement period of love with the men and women who followed him. There had been arguments, close encounters, eye-to-eye contact, and physical closeness. They ate together and shared finances. 

Every relationship Jesus had, I’m sure, with each of the disciples that followed him, began with both playful and polite flirtations. He teased, he cajoled, and he declared his love for them. In those declarations, he allowed everyone to question him, to change their mind, to step back from him, and eventually to even turn him into the authorities. 

Now, we hear, John reports, Jesus explains how the disciples enter intimately into a total commitment to God. “Until now, you have not asked anything in my name.” Asked who? The Father. Jesus adds a family relationship that goes beyond just he and the disciples. Jesus points out that the disciples should ask the Father for what they desire through someone who has brought them into his family. "Ask anything in my name."

After showing how he has lived and loved the Father, throughout his entire life, Jesus reveals that the same love relationship is available to everyone. Not filtered through Jesus, but directly to the Father. We just need to ask. A cosmic divine version of, "Mi casa es su casa." Jesus says, "Mi papa es su papa."

I wonder if we’ve thought about the Jesus and Father relationship the same as we consider our spousal family relationships. In marriages, and even friendships, we aren’t sealing our trust and time with just one person, but also with their family. 

With Jesus, we’re getting a most amazing fellow. He’s conquered death for us. He’s lived through all the pain and suffering that we would experience, plus the joys, the disciplines, the emotions ... everything. Yet, Jesus is not the everything that we get in our love relationship. He becomes our brother, and because of that we inherit the Father and all of creation. All are included in our love relationship. We become a son and daughter to his Father, and brothers and sisters with everyone.

“I will tell you clearly about the Father.
On that day you will ask in my name,
and I do not tell you that I will ask the Father for you.
For the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me
and have come to believe that I came from God.”

We know about this relationship extention thing. After we begin our friendships we become acceptable to the friends of our friend. Over time, we are introduced to our friend’s spouse, and children, and often their extended family. This happens in more concentrated ways with our spouse’s family. We are absorbed into the family name, the history books, and likely the cultural and even financial responsibilities.

With God, the same thing happens, but with an even higher concentration of affiliations. We become part of the spiritual network of the Holy Spirit. We are gathered together as crucial components of God’s entire plan for creation.

And, like all relationships, we must trust that God loves us enough to remain physically with us in all these relationships. After the flirtations with God, the playful and sometimes painful encounters that draw us closer to him, we step into trust. There is nothing creepy about God’s intimacy. There is danger, however, just like the danger of most love relationships. We will be called to give up our time, and to extend ourselves.

But the shift to trusting God and being loved by God is mirrored in all our love relationships — both the ecstasy and the troubles. With God, however, the Joy will be complete. And not in a reducible or unaffiliated way. We aren’t the only ones who’s joy will be complete. The entire family of God joins in the same completeness. We belong to a Mystical Body of Christ. God lives in us intimately, and so we are brothers and sisters.

In the Eucharist, we share in his body and blood. In the Scriptures, we inject his word. In our hearts, we allow his Holy Spirit to live.

It’s difficult to imagine so much joy and reciprocated love when our trust has been broken so many times in the love relationships we have. These relationship break off when we know we can no longer ask anything of the other. God’s offering of a complete love, however, is revealed to us through a constant unfailing response from God. Though his love of us often goes unrequited, he remains faithful to us. Whatever we ask of the Father, also our Father, in Jesus' name, God will do.

“Ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.”

For the Father loves us.